Growing up as a rider without horsey parents or a sports-centered family, I often felt out of place in the equestrian community. I didn’t have the best lingo, and I constantly believed that other riders were better than me simply because they had more lessons or owned their own horses. To this day, I sometimes carry a feeling of frustration, wondering if I’m not where I could be if I had the same opportunities. This self-doubt and pressure to compare myself to others has been a constant challenge, but I’ve learned to overcome it by focusing on the quality of my riding rather than the quantity.
Over time, I’ve come to trust that when I get on a horse, it’s not about the countless challenging horses I’ve ridden. Instead, it’s about knowing that I have the tools to help myself and the confidence to reach my goals. This feeling of inadequacy is common in the equestrian community. Many riders don’t openly discuss their struggles, partly because they don’t know how to fix them. Even instructors, who are skilled at solving their students’ problems, often struggle to admit their own challenges, leading to a sense of isolation in problem-solving. I’ve found that I have a knack for talking to people about their problems, and trust me—even the best riders still feel like they’re falling behind.
The emotion I’m describing in one simple term is jealousy. And don’t worry—it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Think of jealousy like having bad breath: no one will tell you directly, but everyone will notice and talk about it. But wouldn’t you want to know if it’s something you could fix? The great thing about jealousy is that it can act as a step-by-step guide to improving yourself. You do what the other person is doing, and the best part is that if you’re jealous of someone you know, you can talk to them and ask for their "handbook." Then, you can take what they’re doing and tailor it to your needs.
Jealousy affects everyone, and while it can make some people bitter, it can open doors for others. Which side do you want to be on?
I believe it’s a myth that you can fall behind in riding. We see 70-year-olds competing at top levels on young horses and achieving amazing results. It’s not about whether you’ve missed your prime; it’s about whether you’ll ever get there. Using your time wisely and focusing on skill progression is the key. However, when we look at other riders and think we’ll never reach their level, we often place unrealistic expectations on ourselves and our horses. This can lead to frustration, causing us to become rigid, stiff, and harsh in our riding. As a result, our horses don’t move nicely underneath us, and our rides can turn into battles.
Everyone’s journey in riding is unique because we all discovered our love for horses in different ways. It’s important to remember that your riding career is yours alone, and no one can take that away from you. I recommend creating a list of people you’re jealous of, writing down what specifically makes you jealous, and then using that list to form a plan. Instead of projecting your expectations onto your horse, you’ll be equipping yourself with the necessary tools to reach your goals.
Building confidence comes from constant work and mastering the basics. Once you feel confident in your ability to ask something from your horse, you’ll naturally feel more secure in performing movements. That’s exactly what I teach—finding out how the “buttons” work on every single horse and using that knowledge to your advantage.
In the end, riding is about the journey, not just the destination. Embrace your unique path, learn from those around you, and use every experience as an opportunity to grow. Jealousy doesn’t have to be a negative force; it can be the motivation you need to keep moving forward, improving, and achieving your dreams.
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